A lonely girl with man’s best friend
Poised in the stillness of time.
Watching the outside world
Passing – with curiosity and awe.
Trapped inside wondering if
Ever the ties will drop.
Freedom with no restraint,
Life to anticipate.
… by Mary M. Forbes
One of my most favorite sayings is – ‘think of the worst scenario; – failure; think of the best scenario; – completed story. In the whole scheme of life how important is this?’ Of course a writer will feel failure to write is devastating – but my comment is meant to alleviate pressure. I find pressure itself – from yourself, from others – is a guaranteed way to suffer Writer’s Block.
There is also a saying that if there were no deadlines – nothing would ever get done. I believe this might be true. Playing is more enjoyable than working. Children know that. However if you watch children, sometimes work is play to them. I’m sure everyone with children can recall the time their own child begged to do dishes. To them swishing in the water was play. Perhaps they are right. Learn to enjoy work.
Another method I use when writer’s block happens is to just quit/put it away. Do something else. I find watching shows, reading books (although I am guilty of thinking I can do better sometimes), taking pictures and visiting someone or somewhere you like all help.
My first completed book was Hawk’s Gift. Since then I have changed it and edited often including changing the cover – but at this moment I was very proud of myself.
Oddly, I don’t suffer writer’s block very often. I do understand you can’t avoid the pressure when meeting deadlines. When that happens I find doing something else – just for a while is more helpful than staring at a blank piece of paper. Learn to enjoy the beauty life offers and you will be surprised at the way this method helps writer’s block. If you are complaining or worrying about other matters in your life it’s hard to concentrate on what you have to do for a completely unrelated topic. Unless you can figure out a way to incorporate the problems consuming your mind, you have to ‘walk away’ and find something better to consume your mind for a while.
I find organizing my thoughts into priorities helps me. Once I have placed a problem/project into its’ rightful place I move on to number two. It works for me.
Often a topic not discussed honestly is having children. If your romantic partner loves children and you don’t – that could be a future problem.. Be honest and up-front when dealing with your thoughts on children. If you don’t like them – admit it. I have often said – for the sake of defenseless helpless children, in all fairness – it is better to say you don’t want children then to pretend you do for the sake of pleasing someone else.
When you first marry or have a relationship with another, your complete focus can and often is on your partner. If either person feels resentment and frustration when that focus changes – there can be problems. Having a child is a true balancing act. Not neglecting your partner is a challenge some can’t meet when they are blessed with a child. On the other hand there are people who resent being ignored in favor of another. Jealousy and anger often rear their ugly heads.
A small child/baby is defenseless and helpless. It is a twenty-four hour job of caring and love. Caring for a child can be exhausting and frustrating. In the beginning especially and with a first child, there will probably be no time for anything besides the baby. There must be understanding and help on both sides.
It is hard to focus on another person when a child needs you. I would suggest this should also be discussed with a potential partner before marriage. As women mainly are the responsible caregiver of a child it is important to know if a man can not resent the required time in dealing with a baby. It may be an unspoken problem but there are many cases of someone – having an affair or going out with friends because they feel neglected at home. Many people do not want to admit their feelings let alone deal with them.
So before you bring a miracle in this world understand everything that is romantic will be changed. If you would rather spend your time with your partner and the freedom of doing as you please be honest – don’t bring a baby into your relationship. It’s not fair to everyone involved.
Mary M. Forbes - Author 