Romance and Reality: – Children

Often a topic not discussed honestly is having children.  If your romantic partner loves children and you don’t – that could be a future problem..  Be honest and up-front when dealing with your thoughts on children.  If you don’t like them – admit it.  I have often said – for the sake of defenseless helpless children, in all fairness – it is better to say you don’t want children then to pretend you do for the sake of pleasing someone else.

When you first marry or have a relationship with another, your complete focus can and often is on your partner.  If either person feels resentment and frustration when that focus changes – there can be problems.  Having a child is a true balancing act.  Not neglecting your partner is a challenge some can’t meet when they are blessed with a child.  On the other hand there are people who resent being ignored in favor of another.  Jealousy and anger often rear their ugly heads.

A small child/baby is defenseless and helpless.  It is a twenty-four hour job of caring and love. Caring for a child can be exhausting and frustrating. In the beginning especially and with a first child, there will probably be no time for anything besides the baby.  There must be understanding and help on both sides.

It is hard to focus on another person when a child needs you.  I would suggest this should also be discussed with a potential partner before marriage.  As women mainly are the responsible caregiver of a child it is important to know if a man can not resent the required time in dealing with a baby.  It may be an unspoken problem but there are many cases of someone – having an affair or going out with friends because they feel neglected at home.  Many people do not want to admit their feelings let alone deal with them.

So before you bring a miracle in this world understand everything that is romantic will be changed.  If you would rather spend your time with your partner and the freedom of doing as you please be honest – don’t bring a baby into your relationship.  It’s not fair to everyone involved.

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